Introduction:
The BDSM world compounds words from the normal dictionary and gives them new meanings, some of them are straight forwards and sometime it’s a little bit tricky. Most of online BDSM “dictionaries” are made up by people and sometime the meanings are not 100% fit.
In my opinion, Wikipedia is the closest to the real BDSM life. I kept the original hyperlinks, for more explanation you can press on them and explore more (all copyrights are saved for Wikipedia).
- 24/7: A relationship in which protocols are in place continuously.
- Animal transformation fantasy: Fantasy in which the focus is on the sub entering the altered mindspace of a different species, often a dog, cat, or horse.
- Abrasion: Using something rough (such as sandpaper).
- Aftercare:
The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which the participants
calm down, discuss the previous events and their personal reactions to
them, and slowly come back in touch with reality. BDSM often involves an
endorphin high and very intense experience, and failure to engage in proper aftercare can lead to subdrop
as these return to more everyday levels. In some BDSM relationships,
such as D/s, aftercare may involve the Dominant caring for the
submissive if physical pain was inflicted, such as applying baby oil to
areas that were struck during play. - Ageplay: Usually referring to daddy/daughter or mommy/baby role play. Does not usually include or imply aspects of incest, but rather the nurturing relationship of parent/child or teacher/student.
- Animal Play: The sub acts or dresses like an animal (puppy, cat, pony, cow, etc.).
- Auctioned off: Dominant auctions off the slave to the highest bidder (usually supervised and for temporary use).
- Bad pain
- Good pain and bad pain are terms used lightheartedly by BDSM
practitioners, signifying that whilst BDSM may include an element (often
quite pronounced) consensual pain, there is a purpose to it, and some
pain is consented to and accepted whilst other pain is not. “Bad pain”
is pain which is outside hard limits, non-mutual or non-valued, not
wished for, and of limited or no value in this context. - Good pain and bad pain refer to pleasant vs. unpleasant pain. As a
“vanilla” example, imagine soreness after a good workout at the gym
versus the pain of stubbing your toe. Author Jay Wiseman suggests a correlation between perception of “bad pain” during BDSM play and subsequent injury.
- Good pain and bad pain are terms used lightheartedly by BDSM
- Bastinado:
The act of whipping the sub’s feet, usually the sub would be tied up to
restrict movement as the torture is being inflicted; part of impact
play. - BDSM:
Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism: a combined
acronym often used as a catchall for anything in the kink scene. - Bondage:
Acts involving the physical restraint of a partner. Bondage typically
refers to total restraint, however it can be limited to a particular
body part, such as breast bondage. - Bottom: one who receives physical sensation from a top in a scene; the one-done-to rather than the do-er.
- Breast bondage: The act of tying breasts so that they are either flattened against the chest or so that they bulge.
- Breast torture: Torture of the female breasts.
- Breath control: The dominant controls the submissive’s breathing.
- Butt plug:
Much like a dildo, but pear-shaped with a flared base. The flared base
prevents the plug from being lost in the anal cavity; the pear shape
helps hold the plug in place. They come in a variety of sizes; some can
vibrate. Sometimes used in Petplay, with a tail attached. - Chastity: A form of erotic sexual denial or orgasm denial
whereby a person is prevented from access to, or stimulation of, their
genitals, save at the whim or choice of their partner, usually by means
of a device (called a chastity belt or sometimes for men a cock cage) that prevents contact and is controlled by means of a lock by the partner. - Cock and ball torture (CBT): Torture of the male genitals for sexual gratification.
- Collared:
Submissive or slave who is owned, usually (but certainly not
exclusively) in a loving intimate relationship. A dominant may have
multiple persons collared. Also: a pup’s status, as differentiated from a “stray“. - Collaring: The formal acceptance by a dominant, of a sub’s service, or the “ownership” of a pup by a Master or Trainer. Also the ceremony when a dominant commits to a sub (much like a wedding or other contract).
- Consent: Mutual agreement to the terms of a scene or ongoing BDSM relationship.
- Consensual non-consensuality:
A mutual agreement that within defined limits, consent will be given as
read without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned. As such, it is
a show of trust and understanding and usually undertaken only by
partners who know each other well, or otherwise agree to set clear safe
limits on their activities. - Contract:
A written-out agreement between the dominant and submissive. It can be
either formal or non, and is usually written after much negotiation by
the dominant and the sub, outlining what structure, guidelines, rules
and boundaries to the relationship are agreed upon by the two. It is not
legally binding. - DM: Dungeon Monitor, a person who supervises the interactions between participants at a play party
or dungeons to enforce house rules – essentially, the bouncer of a BDSM
event. They sometimes also play cruise director to keep/get the party
going. - Dom: A person who exercises control (from dominant-contrast with sub).
- Dominant A person who exercises control – contrast with submissive.
- Domme: Woman who exercises control (see also Dominatrix).
Often associated with a particular brand of traditional femininity;
many younger female dominants prefer to use the nongendered terms
dom/dominant. - Drop: A feeling of deflation or slight depression that comes after a
kinky scene, party, convention, or conference. Usually caused by the
removal of positive stimuli and the endorphins they produce either from
play or being surrounded by others within the kinky community. Can
happen to kinksters of any role. - D/s: Dominance/submission: play or relationships that involve an erotic power exchange.
- Dungeon: Usually referring to a room or area with BDSM equipment and play space.
- Edgeplay:
SM play that involves a chance of harm, either physically or
emotionally. Because the definition of edgeplay is subjective to the
specific players (i.e., what is risky for me may not be as risky for
you), there is not a universal list of what is included in edgeplay.
However, there are a few forms of play which almost always make the cut,
including fireplay, gunplay, rough body play, breath play, and
bloodplay. - Electro-Play:
The practice of using electrical stimulation to the nerves of the body
using a power source (such as a TENS, EMS, Violet wand, or made-for-play
units) for purposes of sexual stimulation, body modification, tickling,
or torture. - Endorphin rush:
Endorphins are the chemicals responsible for the “high” people often
get from activities such as sex, or high-risk sports, and is the body’s
response to heightened or intense experiences of certain kinds. BDSM
activities, especially those incorporating a degree of sensation play often cultivate the endorphin rush as part of their “payoff” to the sub. But also see aftercare for the care needed to ensure that subdrop does not occur afterwards as the body returns to normal. - Erotic sexual denial: keeping another person aroused
while delaying or preventing resolution of the feelings, to keep them
in a continual state of anticipatory tension and inner conflict, and
heightened sensitivity. (see also tease and denial and chastity). - Erotic spanking: The act of spanking another person for the sexual arousal or gratification of either or both parties.
- Fetish: A specific obsession or delight in one object or experience.
- Figging: The practice of inserting a piece of ginger root into the anus or vagina.
- Fire play:
Using fire as an implement of BDSM. This can mean blowing the heat of a
light torch onto a bottom, lighting pools of fuel on the bottom’s skin,
lighting flash cotton on the bottom, and other creative uses of heat. Cupping
is usually considered an offshoot of fireplay, although in sensation it
is closer to the use of clips and clamps. Usually considered edgeplay. - Fisting: inserting a hand into the vagina or rectum.
- Genitorture: Torture of the genitals.
- Good pain
(1): Good pain and bad pain are terms used lightheartedly by BDSM
practitioners, signifying that whilst BDSM may include an element (often
quite pronounced) of consensual pain, there is a purpose to it, and
some pain is consented to and accepted whilst other pain is not. “Good
pain” is therefore pain that is mutually agreed, desired or permitted by
the submissive partner to be experienced, and seen by them as of
enjoyment or value. - Good pain
(2): Good pain and bad pain refer to perception of pain as pleasant vs.
unpleasant. Sensations that non-practitioners imagine to be painful are
instead perceived and described by BDSM practitioners as pleasurable or
a good form of pain, in much the way that muscles after a workout at
the gym may be sore, but in a good way. The transition of perception
from “bad pain” to “good pain” may require a warm up beforehand. - Golden showers: Urinating on, or being urinated on by, another person.
- Gorean: A subgenre based upon the rituals and practices created within the world of Gor in the erotic novels by John Norman.
Gorean culture is based on stereotypical gender-based roles which is
considered by many to be in conflict with BDSM, where there is freedom
for either gender to act in any role (Male/Female as either Dom/sub or
Top/bottom). - Gunplay: The practice of including actual (or simulated) firearms into a scene.
- Handkerchief codes:
Visible signs to indicate to others your area of BDSM interest; a color
worn on the left indicates a top, on the right indicates a bottom. - Hard limits: What someone absolutely will not do; non-negotiable (as opposed to “soft limits”).
- Harem: A group of subs serving one or more dominants.
- Hogtie:
To tie up a submissive’s wrists and ankles, fastening them together
behind their back using physical restraints such as rope or cuffs. - Impact play: Part of sensation play, dealing with impact such as whips, riding crops, paddles, floggers, etc.
- Infantilism: Parent/child or parent/baby role playing.
- K-9 roleplay: animal roleplay where the animal being roleplayed is a dog
- Kinbaku:
Also known as Shibari which literally means “the beauty of tight
binding”. Kinbaku is a Japanese style of bondage or BDSM which involves
tying up the bottom using simple yet visually intricate patterns,
usually with several pieces of thin rope. - Knife play:
Slow, methodical sensation of the bottom with the edges and points of
knives, usually without cutting the skin. Fear of the weapon plays a
large part in the stimulus of the bottom. - Limits: What someone will not participate in (hard limits), or is hesitant to do so (soft limits).
- Maintenance: Weekly spankings to cover the little things that might
have been missed, remind the submissive to behave and allow the Dominant
to release stress.[2] - Masochism: Act of receiving pain for sensual/sexual pleasure.
- Masochist: Person who enjoys pain, usually sexually.
- Master/slave:
A consensual relationship in which one person receives control (the
Master) when given it by another (the slave) for mutual benefit. An
extreme form of D/s
which usually involves a 24/7 relationship rather than a short period
of time (scene or perhaps a week end.) The slave will usually accept a
collar from their Master to show that they are owned. - Mummification:
Immobilising the body by wrapping it up, usually with multiple layers
of tight thin plastic sheeting. Breathing and other safety measures must
be appropriately taken care of, often by leaving the face (or at least
the mouth and nose) open. Body temperature (maintained to an extent by
movement) may also be affected so a warm environment and warm aftercare
may be important. Mummification is often used to enhance a feeling of
total bodily helplessness, and incorporated with sensation play. - Munch:
A group of people that are into BDSM meeting at a “vanilla” place in
street-appropriate attire. Sometimes this is a club. You might see an
announcement like, “This weekend’s munch is at Denny’s”. - Needle play: Temporary piercings done with sterile needles of varying gauges, usually only for the duration of a scene.
- Nose torture: A traditionally Japanese form of BDSM often involving nose hooks.
- Nyotaimori: Human sushi platters.
- OTK: Over the knee (spanking).
- Painslut: A person who enjoys receiving a heavy degree of pain but may or may not necessarily enjoy submitting.
- Paraphilia:
Recurrent, intense, sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or
behaviors generally involving non-human objects, the suffering or
humiliation of oneself or one’s partner, children, and non-consenting
persons. - Pegging: A sexual practice in which a woman penetrates a man’s anus with a strap-on dildo.
- Play party: A BDSM event involving many people engaging in scenes.
- ProDom: Male professional dominant (charges money).
- ProDomme: Female professional dominant (charges money).
- Ponygirl or Ponyboy: Sub is dressed in a pony outfit, with mouth bit and anal plug with a tail. They are told to prance or behave like a pony.
- Pup-play:
Sub is made to act like a puppy. Sub barks, whines, eats from a bowl,
etc. Such play is sexual, but also focuses on the altered mind-space of
bottom/pup and the complete dominance of his/her Trainer/Master. - Pussy torture: Torture of the female genitals for sexual gratification.
- RACK – Risk Aware Consensual Kink.
- Rape fantasy, ravishment: The pleasurable fantasy of inflicting or being a victim to an act of consensual play-rape.
- Sadism: The act of inflicting pain.
- Sadist: Person who enjoys inflicting pain, usually sexually.
- Safe, sane and consensual
– (SSC) a credo used by some BDSM practitioners to determine the
appropriateness of BDSM play. Sometimes contrasted to RACK (risk aware
consensual kink). - Safeword – A codeword a bottom can use to force BDSM activity to stop – used especially in scenes which may involve consensual force.
- Scat play: Feces play.
- Scene: A time period of BDSM activities. Also used to refer to the BDSM community (“the Scene”).
- Sensation play:
BDSM play where the intent is to push people’s sensory limits, thus
exploring texture, sensory deprival, through to whips, flagellation and edgeplay. - Service-oriented submission: A person who enjoys performing a service in a sexual or BDSM environment.
- Slave:
A person (usually submissive) who consensually gives up total control
of one or more aspects of their life to another person (their Master). - Soft limits:
Something that someone is hesitant to do or is nervous to try. They can
sometimes be talked into the activity, or preferably it may be
negotiated at a trial or beginner level into a scene. - Subdrop: A physical condition, often with cold- or flu-like symptoms, experienced by a submissive
after an intense session of BDSM play. This can last for as long as a
week, and is best prevented by aftercare immediately after the session. - Submissive,
or “sub” for short. Person that gives up control either all the time or
for a specified period (not to be confused with “bottom” or “slave”). - Subspace: A “natural high” that a sub (or
bottom) gets during a scene or when being controlled. The sub may feel
disconnected from time, space, and/or their body, and may have limited
ability to communicate. It is critical that a Dom(me)/top take
responsibility for the sub/bottom and be aware of their sub’s well being
if they are in subspace. - Switch: Someone who likes being both top and bottom, either in one scene or on different occasions.
- Taken in hand: 24/7 Male dominance in monogamous marriage, with or without BDSM aspects.
- Tease and denial: Keeping another person aroused
while delaying or preventing resolution of the feelings, to keep them
in a continual state of anticipatory tension and inner conflict, and
heightened sensitivity. (see also orgasm denial). - Tit torture: The act of causing deliberate physical pain to the breasts and nipples.
- TNG:
The Next Generation. A tag commonly used by groups and organizations
which cater to younger people involved in BDSM, typically ages 18–35. - Top:
Person “doing the action” (contrast with bottom – person receiving the
action). Not to be confused with Dom which is the person who “puts the
scene together”. A male Dom could enjoy CBT
and tell a sub what they are to do. In this case the Top is the
submissive (following the direction of the Dom) and the bottom is the
Dom (receiving the attention of the top). - Topping from the bottom: A bottom who purports to be a submissive but who nonetheless wants to direct the top.
- TPE
or Total Power Exchange: a relationship where the dominant or owner has
complete authority and influence over the submissive’s life, making the
majority of decisions. - Training: Either referring to a short period of time (a scene) or an ongoing effort of the dominant teaching the submissive how to act.
- Vanilla:
Someone who is not into BDSM. Alternatively, sexual behaviour which
does not encompass BDSM activity. The term is sometimes used in a
derogatory sense. - Warm up: The period at a beginning of a BDSM scene which involves
gentle play, allowing the bottom to begin endorphin production, enter subspace,
and undergo physiological changes (such as bringing fluids to the
surface before impact play) that will accommodate more intense play. - WIITWD: What It Is That We Do. A broad term referring to all forms of alternative sexuality.
- Wax play: The top drips hot wax on the bottom.